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Contest!! Win two box sets!

Posted by: Editor on 4/28/2010

Our minds are slightly evil (shocking, I know). Thus on a beautiful day like today here’s our conversation:

D: Oh that weeping cherry tree is so gorgeous!

J: I love spring.

D: Spring is such a romantic time.

J: Unless you’re married of course.

D: But it’s also alcohol awareness month (which is HUGE) and most spring flings end in breakups anyway which causes you to drink, so maybe we should celebrate that instead.

J: Why not have a contest for the worst breakup lines and/or dating stories ever. Much more entertaining than all that mushy romance.

D: Definitely. Someone just told me that the man she had been seeing turned out to be a flasher and she had no idea until she googled him. I need that kind of humor in my day.

Thus, in honor of alcohol awareness month (and spring romance of course)

  

we invite you to send us the worst break up excuses  you have ever heard OR your worst dating experience. We’ll pick a winner in two weeks to receive two free box sets. Just post your responses as comments to this blog entry. Good luck!

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Comments

    • Apr 28 2010, 11:37 AM Meggan K.
    • My worst dating experience would be my first date with my first boyfriend in high school. We'd circled each other for a while, then he finally asked me out. He packed a picnic and we sat out on the floating deck on the lake by his house and ate and watched the stars. Here's where it gets bad: as we were laying side-by-side in the dark, he gets the idea to throw his 250+ wrestler frame over to kiss me. He successfully throws his weight, sending the floating dock tipping to my side. His forehead met my nose and teeth - he broke my nose and knocked my 2 front teeth loose. Ouch. He then had to drive me home with his shirt pressed to my face to stanch the bleeding, and explain to my dad why I was bloody after our first date - not a fun experience for any teenage male. Once we managed to talk my dad out of getting the shotgun, we spent the remainder of our evening (all 3 of us) in the Urgent Care waiting room, so I could get stitches and get my nose re-set. All in all, one hell of a date!
    • Apr 28 2010, 11:54 AM Editor
    • Good lord, that's some story. And we thought the flasher was bad! Wish we were a fly on the wall when you explained that one to your dad.
    • Apr 28 2010, 11:54 AM ANNETTE
    • He said..."I just don't know you" after 5 months! DUH!
    • Apr 28 2010, 12:12 PM Nichole Bertucci
    • Worst-ok,I was a teeneager-the boy I was "dating" was over at my house, we were downstairs "watching" a movie. He decided to grope me and kiss me-my first kiss-it was horrible, he slobbered all over my face, I felt like he was trying to wash my face with his tongue. I promptly told him he was a horrible kisser and he says, fine, I'm going home and were not dating anymore-duh! The worst part, he said some really bad things about me to the rest of our school friends-so not nice.
    • Apr 28 2010, 12:25 PM Niki
    • After my romantic French boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant (after telling me to dress beautifully for this surprise dinner), picking out wine, appetizers, steak, lobster, dessert which we enjoyed while our waiter sang to us a cappella, leaving to use the bathroom and coming back to a huge bouquet of flowers that he'd run next door to get... the check comes and he puts it between us, surprised I asked if he wanted to split it (to avoid a scene), he says 'sure, why not?' The waiter comes back with our credit cards, his was declined. I spent $400 for my 'surprise' dinner. Yes, I was surprised.
    • Apr 28 2010, 12:41 PM Erin
    • A cold one liner, straight forward and to the point: “You’re not Scottish enough.” It wasn’t “Our moms busted us having sex/getting tattoos/drinking and streaking in the front yard/doing donuts in the backyard with the MG,etc” (Not all at once, though. That would have been too much for anyone). I tried giving him other 'outs' : the reasons listed before, dating other people, I’m a biatch, he’s gay, etc. Nope. It was in his family’s opinion that i wasn't a good fit. They had actually had a meeting/intervention about this. He was standing by it. At the time, I was horrified. I was dumped because I couldn’t give him ginger babies, or reproduce offspring that replicated his finely woven au natural body sweater (which extended from the first knuckle of each digit to the scalp), or that maxed out at a height of 5 foot 2 inches. Oh well...who wants a furry ginger kid anyways, right? (I bet they're cute, though, like Ewoks)
    • Apr 28 2010, 1:47 PM Colleen Ewell
    • First we went to a concert that he didn't like, but he took the good seat and I got stuck behind a pole and every time I tried to bend around to look he would try to feel me up. Then he decided to "dip" or chew tobacco (disgusting and unforgivable), and apparently was spitting it into a cup that he accidentally kicked and it spilled on my leg and sandal covered feet. VOMIT. We didn't break up, because we weren't going out, but I went to go to the bathroom and called a cab and left. He was vile.
    • Apr 28 2010, 5:09 PM Kathy
    • What I want to know... did Niki ever date the French guy again? And did he ever offer to pay you back? That was awful!!!
    • Apr 28 2010, 7:34 PM Patti
    • My very first date ever was when I was 16, and this huge geek in my Calculus class asked me to a "group date" (oh, Utah) his friend was hosting. He was an hour and a half late picking me up in his friend's astro van, shot down every attempt I made at conversation with him (at one point, he told me that the Metal Gear Solid games were "just too violent" for a girl to play), and tried several times to put his double-jointed arm around me behind his back. When the date was finally over, he made his friend drive us home and drop him off at his trailer park first - so his mom could meet me. His brother flipped me off when I walked through the door, and his mother came out of the kitchen in curlers, blue tatooed-on eyeliner and a huge pink mumu. She gave me the biggest, sweatiest hug I've ever been the victim of and said that she "had heard SOOOOOOO much about me and was so pleased to FINALLY meet me." I'd barely spoken to the guy twice! I got out of there as quickly as I could (while his friends were in the van laughing hysterically) and tried to avoid him...but developed a pasty, double-jointed stalker for the entirety of my junior year.
    • Apr 28 2010, 7:35 PM Cathy
    • Ok, so I don't have a very good excuse .. I married the guy I dated in high school, and we're still kicking and screaming together .. but my retarded best friend .. wow she dates some real winners! I think one of the best is MAN, that was the BEST sex ever but we can't see each other anymore because my wife would kill me. Zip up, exit .. k so that's nothing compared to getting the broken nose or the 400 dollar bill, but it's still something, right??
    • Apr 29 2010, 8:58 AM Amy
    • I got dumped on a 3 hour car ride home only to have him change his mind when we arrived at our destination. Cool.
    • Apr 29 2010, 10:20 AM Jennifer
    • A few years ago I decided to try online dating. Eventually online dating would lead to me meeting a wonderful man that I would marry. This story is not a story about him. So I finally met the New York Guy that I had been talking to for about a month. I had to go into the City anyway because of a Romanesque class trip and figured that I would ... See Moremake the most of it and meet this guy. I was pretty excited about meeting him, we had been talking via IM and phone and e-mail and seemed quite simpatico. We had both seen multiple photos of each other and I thought from the photographs that he was quite cute. I was a bit worried about his height,as I generally prefer tall men and his profile said that he was 5'10" but that's still quite a bit taller than me so I figured what the hell. New York Guy called that Saturday during the day as he said he would (What?! a man who calls when he says he will?!) and we agreed to meet that evening at a little Sushi restaurant at 7th and Flatbush, in Brooklyn. This worked out well for me since it wasn't too far from where I was staying and had an intersection that I could tell the cab driver. We decided to meet there at 9pm. I got myself casually gussied up, nice jeans black boat-necked sweater, nice make-up and hot pointy-toed mules with great embroidery. I caught a cab and got to the restaurant bang on the dot. I walked in and my date stood up. Dude looks nothing like the guy in the pictures, like maybe a distant cousin of the dude in the pictures. He's shorter and a lot skinnier than me. And he had the weirdest bone structure I've ever seen. His whole mouth-al area protruded outwards -- I don't mean that he had big lips, I mean the bones underneath. His cheekbones were high and knobby and his eyes managed to sink back into his skull and pop out all at the same time. And to top it all off he was wearing black jeans, doc martins, a black tee-shirt and a black leather motorcycle jacket with chains, not really what I would consider first date attire. Needless to say I wasn't impressed at first glance. But admittedly this is all rather superficial stuff and we had already had several pleasant conversations over the phone and over the IM and so I thought that despite looks we could probably have a pleasant evening. So I sat down. Conversation was a bit first-date-awkward but generally alright. His mannerisms were very strange though. His eyes were all shifty and he was somewhat jittery, so that combined with his looks already had me on edge. Then, as we're finishing up dinner he tells me that the last name that he told me was his last name was in fact not his last name, that he doesn't tell strange girls that he meets over the internet what his real last name is. He then proceeded to still not tell me what his last name was (meanwhile, he already knows my full name). Then he started talking about his dog. We had talked about pets before over the IM, as we were both pet people. But the way dude talks about his dog in real life is strange. Dude likes his dog. A lot. Like the dog is his only friend in the world. Also did I mention that he shares custody of the dog with his ex-girlfriend? Yeah. Creepy dude has the dog on the weekends and holidays and the ex has the dog the rest of the time. So creepy dude was talking about his dog, and not more than 10 minutes after he told me that he had lied to me about what his last name was he says, "Do you want to come back to my place and *meet my
    • Apr 29 2010, 1:50 PM Laurie M
    • I went on a date with the boy I adored. He was 4 years older, and I was toatally inlove.. He took me to dinner at a really nice resteraunt. He was old enough to drink {I was not} and he had a couple beers, and some expensive entre. I just had a salad, hey..what girl wants to eat steak in front of the guy she loves? The bill came, he looked in my eyes and said... "can you get this? Im a little low on cash." ... awesome.
    • Apr 30 2010, 8:20 AM Renee
    • Wow, which story to share, right? I once met a guy online and agreed to meet him face to face for the first time at a music festival type thing in my city. It was my first time doing this type of thing, and at first I was pleasantly surprised because he was pretty cute. We had drinks at a bar and ran into my boss. What are the odds of that? My boss insisted that we sit with him and his GF and he bought us a round of drinks. I was praying in my head that they wouldn't ask about any details of the date. But, of course, the GF asked how long we'd been dating and we had to admit it was our first meeting and we met ONLINE - shame! I got pretty drunk, started smoking my bosses cigs, and ended up giving a drunken interview to some dude walking around with a camera from a radio station. But, it gets worse....we escaped from the boss and walked around for a bit. Within 2 hours of meeting him, he kept trying to hold my hand and then he swatted my ass a few times. I wrapped up the evening quickly and then he proceeded to shove his tongue in my mouth when I dropped him off at his car. He was a bit too eager. Needless to say, I didn't return his calls or texts. It was an epic night for sure. I'm hoping my boss forgot about it.
    • Apr 30 2010, 6:01 PM Ela Asisi
    • I stupidly signed myself up for a local online dating group. I had gone through all the steps set up by the dating service of getting to know this guy. Let's say for privacy purposes we call him Jabba. Well, from what I could tell Jabba was a catch! I emailed him my phone number and he called me to set up a date. I could tell right away that he had a bit of a southern accent, which I thought was cute. At the end of the conversation I asked him, "How will I recognize you?" He says, "I'll be the one wearing the shirt with the horses running around it." I reply, "Excuse me, did you say horses?" Jabba, "Yup, that's right ma'am! It's a white shirt with horses running around it." I should have clued in, but I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt. If this guy is the catch I thought he was, I could change his wardrobe easily enough. So I show up to the theatre where I'm supposed to meet Jabba and step onto the escalator. As I'm riding up the escalator, I see a man who is grosely obese (online he said he had an athlete's body), white high tops, stone washed jeans that are way too tight, a mullet, with...you guessed it, a white shirt with horses running around it. Without really thinking about it, I stepped off the escalator and stepped right back onto the escalator going down. By the time I got to the bottom, I felt so bad that I went right back up and introduced myself. He went in for a hug, which I kindly side stepped. I asked him what movie we were going to see and he tells me, "I hope you don't mind, I got us tickets to see the new Star Wars movie. I've seen it six times already, but it's that good!" Now, I'm not a Star Wars fan, but I figured that I could enjoy the splendor of Hayden Christensen! We go into the theatre and he asks if we can sit with the arm rest up. "It's more comfortable for me." I respond, "Why don't you take these two seats and I'll sit right here next to you. This way we are both comfortable." The trailers begin to roll and he wiggles (I mean SPIRIT FINGERS wiggles) his butter stained fingers my way. I see what he is doing and quickly hide my hands under my legs. By the end of the movie, I had: numb fingers, HIS popcorn crumbs in my lap, and the worst headache known to man! As we walk out of the theatre, he places his hand at the small of my back to escort me out. He then proceeds to tell me that his 26 year old son (I was only 24 at the time!) was coming home for Sunday dinner and he would like to introduce his new girlfriend (me) to him. YUCK!!!!! I kindly, thanked him for the movie, told him that I found out that I was moving to New York for school and wished him all the luck in his search. This was the WORST date I have ever been on!
    • May 03 2010, 3:10 PM Fiona T
    • My very first boyfriend decided my 18th birthday would be the best day to break up with me for my best friend. Crushing - but I soon realised that he had to be a complete and utter *!£%!* to do that to me and my best friend wasn't that much better either.
    • May 05 2010, 5:20 PM Stephanie C
    • I had a guy tell a friend that he no longer wanted to date me because I had no personality. He said, you know on Christmas when there's this really amazing present under the tree? You can't believe how beautiful it looks & you're so excited it's for you. But when you finally get to open it, it's just a boring sweater & you think - ugh, can I return it? Ouch. I'm usually told that I have too much personality, so this was a new one! At least I can laugh about it now... I'll never forget that analogy, though!
    • May 06 2010, 9:55 AM Erin
    • My ex-fiance prior to being married brokeup with me because he cheated on me with my best friend the night of our engagement party in my parents bathroom and she ended up getting pregnant, they were married on the same day we were supposed to get married and they used the venue and all of the vendors I had coordinated for our wedding. FYI their baby is not cute. Thank god I found a great guy afterwards!
    • May 06 2010, 11:19 AM Jill
    • Worst breakup...I had to cancel a date because my son (aged 18 months at the time) had strep throat. He ended it that night, telling me it was my "7th strike." LAME.
    • May 06 2010, 11:43 AM Niki
    • Kathy -- no, I never went out with him again and I threw the flowers at him through the cab window as I was driving off. I was soooo mad. Ugh.
    • May 06 2010, 12:02 PM Crystal J
    • I was working at a big box store and this guy had been flirting with me for a couple of weeks. My best friend talking me into going out to dinner with him but said she would come along just to be safe. He needed a ride to the restaurant so she picked him up so she could grill him and get to know him. She told me after dinner that he had been grabbing her breasts while she was driving and said that if I didn't work out he'd like to hook up with her. I never went out with him again.
    • May 06 2010, 1:18 PM Jennifer Y
    • In 8th grade I had been dating this ugly guy for a few months, and then our school had a carnival to raise money. That night ugly guy followed around another girl the whole night. I was pissed. I had to get back at him, so I came up with a really great idea. I would throw a pie in his face. At the last minute I chickened out but my best friend decided to do it for me. We found the guy and she planted a nice blackberry pie piece in his face, then we ran like the wind! The guy was pissed, and we never got in trouble! :)
    • May 06 2010, 1:25 PM Jackie
    • This past Halloween, this guy with whom I'd had a whopping two dates invited himself along to my friend's party. He proceeded to behave like an ass-- showed up half an hour before the party was to begin, got all handsy, took control of the music, asked other people there if they were single, freaked out because there was plenty of alcohol (gasp! And it's not as if he didn't have ample forewarning), was so very rude to my friend's little sister.. I was so embarrassed. He insisted on giving me the worst possible "back rub" and wouldn't quit when I asked. I mouthed "HELP ME!" to my friend-- so she launched herself at me in a bear hug, pushing him away in the process. He acted like she had actually socked him one and made a scene. He got pissed because I refused to leave the party then and there and stormed out (I was in no condition to drive, and I was not going to ride with him). Much later, when I had sobered up and got home two guys tried to mug me in front of my apartment. He sent me dozens of passive aggressive texts telling me how he was looking for a kind person-- WHILE I WAS AT THE POLICE STATION FILING MY REPORT-- and then accused me of making up the mugging story when I said I was too busy with the police to talk. After all of that, he then had the balls to tell me that he'd "better wait before meeting anymore friends or family." As if I ever wanted to see him again, let alone take him home to the folks?
    • May 06 2010, 1:36 PM Jamie S
    • A friend of mine just spent the weekend in Vegas with her boyfriend so they could be witnesses for another friend couple's wedding. She said they had a lot of fun activities planned including a drive to the Hoover Dam on rented Harleys. As soon as they got there, she noticed him constantly separating himself from her and their friends and then caught ... See Morehim on the phone (obviously talking to another woman). When she confronted him, he admitted having met someone else and then proceeded to just constantly call the other girl openly in front of my friend the entire weekend - even at dinner!!! I guess he figured why not since it was all out in the open! She said it was a miserable weekend since she was stuck there sharing a room with this idiot, waiting with him at the airport, sitting by him on the plane, etc. Ironically, she told me the best part of her trip was the Harley ride. Even though she was stuck on the back of his bike, she was relieved that at least he couldn't call his new girlfriend!!!
    • May 06 2010, 1:37 PM Eric
    • Date: Met a girl, arranged a concert picnic. In the first hour hour and a half the girl will not let me get a word in edgewise; not even to clarify or agree with something she is yammering on about. So I decide I'm going to play a little game and not say anything until she finally asks me a question or even gives me space to do so. 4 hours later I finally get to say something: 'goodbye'! best part is she actually tried to kiss me. Apparently she thought the date went great! Break up: Her treat; romantic long weekend, off season, on the beach, North Fork of Long Island, I'm really looking forward. we get out there, and she tells me she cheated on me. I'm hurt, but I know I'm not the most ideal bf; that I don't have a lot of time to give her, and I forgive her. Apparently that was not what she wanted to hear, because then she started to try to pick fights with me about the healthy relationship I have with my ex, and the way I am raising my head of the class, generous, patient, loving, well behaved kid (her ex husband had cheated on her twice; the second time resulting in a baby and an UGLY divorce, not to mention an emotionally tortured 4yr old boy). I eventually just clammed up which just made her FURIOUS. She told me we were thru and that I would have to pay for the room and that if I wanted a ride home I better get my ass in gear (her car). So i say "ummm, you've already paid for the room and your fucking crazy if you think I'm subjecting myself to such abuse for a 3 hour car ride. I'll stay the weekend and take the train home, thanks." I had the BEST weekend alone, enjoying sunsets, jumping in the ocean, and knowing I had dodged a bullet
    • May 07 2010, 11:55 AM Angella Wilson
    • Not really a break up... but we were done after this experience. My boyfriend at the time lived in a different city. I was supposed to be seeing him on the Saturday evening after a day of shopping with a friend. My friend and I ended up on different ferries to the city, so I was there a few hours before her. Since he lived near the ferry terminal I decided to drop in early to surprise him. I got in to his house and saw a trail of clothes and shoes on the floor and then saw that he was in bed with another woman. I was in such shock that I turned around and went outside... then knocked on the door. He came to the door (after a lot of loud knocking) and said that I couldn't come in because he "had guests". Needless to say I turned on my heels and left and headed back home. After a tearfull trip home, and locking my keys in my car on the ferry I cried for most of the afternoon in my bed. He called later that evening wondering where I was and why I hadn't shown up as planned. Hmmmm...
    • May 07 2010, 12:02 PM Linda
    • I googled the man I was engaged to because he was acting weird. Found a 'Men seeking men" ad that he had posted within the past week. He was confused/curious and I was outta there like lightening!
    • May 10 2010, 2:00 PM Marie
    • My worst break up, by far, ended in a restraining order.I moved cross country to live with my boyfriend, and shortly thereafter, he started acting strangely. Like following me to work, to classes, to the gym, just lurking. Considering that we lived together, it was really peculiar and creepy. After 2 months of this and discussions where he promised to stop, but didn't, I finally moved out. Then he started to sit all day in my works parking lot and confront my colleague's as they left, left notes on my car, even put a stuffed penguin that he had stabbed with a knife under it, once - he sat outside my pysch class (hello!) and tried to get into a shoving match with a class mate who was a process server. The ex was tased by the classmate, wee'd himself, and I was dismissed from my classes - permanently. I got my RO at that point against him. It was a scary experience, but 10 years later - I can laugh now at how retarded this boy was.
    • May 11 2010, 10:51 AM ApexAngie
    • Worst dating experience...when boyfriend comes to borrow the cute picnic basket that was a gift to US as a couple to take his new girlfriend on a picnic. She was one of my best friends...or not. I was at work and my mom gave the jerk the basket thinking he was taking ME on a picnic. I never saw that basket again and it was worth way more than him, duh.
    • May 17 2010, 5:07 PM Mariana
    • His whining didn't go with my outfit.

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